TEDxSalford

Running Your Family Like A Software Development Project

Poor management of your family life can be making your children miserable. Bruce Feiler in, ‘Agile programming – for your family’ (TEDSalon NY2013) begins his talk with a study showing that the number one wish children have for their parents is for them to be less tired and less stressed.

Feiler is using methodologies designed for managing software development to manage his family life more effectively and everyone is happier and more relaxed. These methodologies are called ‘agile methodologies’ and the principles can be applied to almost any kind of project or activity, including your family’s daily routines.

What is ‘agile’?

Agile methodologies started as ways to manage software development. Since its conception, word of agile spread, and its principles are being applied to all sorts of projects. I’ve used Agile to manage my workload when I’ve had lots of different projects running at the same time, each project involving different people and with its own series of deadlines. I use it for writing fiction, to keep track of the story lines and the characters’ timelines, and I’ve taught it to people faced with the daunting task of setting up a complex business from scratch.

Agile principles are easy to understand and implement in many situations where you need to manage a project as a group or on your own. In ‘Agile programming – for your family,’ Felier uses agile methodology to make family life more organised and less stressful.

In 1983, Jeff Sutherland, a technologist, noticed that 83% of projects failed because information percolates down to programmers, Instead of the programmers being consulted. Sutherland set about designing a more agile method of working, where information flowed more freely and people were consulted on the work they would be doing.

Agile is a reaction to the classic waterfall method of project management, which you’re probably more familiar with even if you don’t work in software development. In a waterfall project the person at the top gives the orders to the people at the bottom. In the same way, an authoritarian parent will use the ‘what I say goes’ approach and there’s little room for negotiation or input.

In an agile project the emphasis is on collaboration and communication. I see agile as a more humanistic and holistic approach to achieving a common goal. It is collaborative rather than authoritarian, communicative rather than dictatorial. Each member has input into what the tasks are and everyone is able to put forward ideas. In software development, the designers often have ideas about how something could work, so they should be able to make suggestions to the developers. In return, the developers may have good ideas about how something could be designed. We are not single-use mechanisms, with no knowledge of any other role other than our own. When working as a team, many brains are better than one.

Why should you care about agile if you’re not a project manager?

You’re not a project manager – really? Every day we don our project manager hat as we try to schedule things into our daily routines. We manage our social lives around our jobs; we plan holidays, celebrations and events; we organise our family life. Most of us are busy floundering in chaos trying to manage several projects at once. The beauty of each ‘project’ is that no matter how big or small, it can usually be broken up into smaller tasks, and agile is a very useful methodology for keeping track of and completing these tasks calmly and efficiently.

How you can benefit from adopting the key principles of agile

1. Break large tasks into smaller, more easily digestible chunks that can be done one at a time. This way the task is less daunting and there is no chaotic multi-tasking in which you’re working very hard but nothing seems to get finished.

You work on one small task at a time. If that task is blocked – for example, if you’re supposed to wash the car, but your sister has borrowed it that day – you can just leave that task on the board, and choose another task to do instead. When you’ve finished the task you’re working on, you then look at the board and the blocked task is still there. Maybe you could work on it now? If it’s still blocked then pick up the next fresh task.
2. Collaboration and cooperation. The people involved collaborate and agree on the solution, then they take responsibility for their parts in it. Studies show that when people are given a personal stake in what’s going on, if they feel in control, rather than dictated to, motivation and achievement will follow (1). Felier asks us to empower our children, to give them a say in rewards and punishment, to let them succeed and fail on their own terms. Allow them the space to take control of their own lives.This could be a practical problem, like how the washing up is divided fairly, or a discipline issue, like what to do if someone is overreacting to a situation, as well as how much leeway they should be given and what happens if it goes past the leeway.

3. Communication. Agile encourages responding to change rather than following a fixed plan. Hold short daily meetings, not going over ten minutes, where each person says what they’re going to do today and what they did yesterday.

4. Adaptability: This brings to mind the famous Rita Mae Brown quote, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.”

Bruce Feiler applies this to rule-making when he says, “Unless you’ve anticipated every problem at the beginning, then you don’t have the right rules.” So build adaptability into the meetings. Members can discuss what went well and what went badly for them this week. If something goes well, it can be repeated. If something is going badly, have a separate discussion to see how things could be done differently.
Feiler’s wife began to love and treasure these daily meetings. Parents feel more involved in the lives of their children and are able to respond if they feel something is going wrong.

5. Build your bedrock. A sense of belonging to something bigger than yourself builds self-esteem and commitment to the family.

Businesses start with core values and a mission statement. They want you to be proud of belonging. This is important in families too. You have a shared history and a story. Researchers at Emery asked children questions to see if they knew their family history and key family stories, like the story of a family member who has overcome a problem. They found that the children who knew their families’ stories had the highest self-esteem. So build your core, make your family a cohesive unit in which every member feels a deep sense of belonging and commitment. Make sure they feel valued and empowered by communicating with them and involve them in decision-making.

Watch this talk in full on TED.com and see how agile programming worked for Bruce Feiler’s family.
Bruce Feiler: Agile programming for your family

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Find out more about agile and waterfall methodologies when used for software development
I attended an excellent presentation on agile and waterfall approaches in software development by Louis Georgiou, Director of Code Computerlove, a leading digital agency in Manchester, UK, so the man speaks from experience. Lots of it. The presentation can be seen online: Will UX and agile ever work together in a digital agency?

Here is some free agile management software that I’ve been using for years. You don’t need software if you want to use agile methodologies, you can implement as much or as little as you like. You could just apply some of the principles above, or if you’re going to use a board it’s often done with a white board and post-it notes, but when I need to keep it digital, this AgileZen web application is very simple to use and effective.

References
(1) Journal of Educational Psychology Copyright 1990 by the American Psychological Association, Inc. 1990, Vol. 82, No. 1, 22-32 0022-0663/90/$00.75. ‘What It Takes to Do Well in School and Whether I’ve Got It: A Process Model of Perceived Control and Children’s Engagement and Achievement in School.’ Ellen A. Skinner, James G. Wellborn, and James P. Connell.